Existentialism


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Like the folded myth,

Of some ancient times,

 

Or a wanderer

Buried in some unheard tomb,

 

She wanted to burn

In the being of nothingness,

 

But the flames of her soul

And the glow of her fire

Had brightened the worlds,

 

And every fragment of her being

Had embraced the universe

Within her burning fires,

 

And her love always echoed

Through long voyages of times

In the gloomy hours of nights,

 

Across centuries and worlds

Her non existentialism

Had always existed…

 

 

 

Sinner


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And there, buried

under the soil,

i saw myself,

shrinking into my eyes and memories,

 

flew out to the outer worlds,

in peace, and harmony,

with my being.

Leaving the world behind,

declaring me….

Nothing but,

A sinner!!!

 

 

 

Abstraction!


I have kept holding on to life for so long that i feel like my hands are losing the grasp around the rope of life. I feel more like a dead person, hands – burned out, wretched heart and deplorable mind,, I want to let my earth-born finite body just fall down into the river of mortality. This shadowy life, a place of blur images of the hopes and happiness we always long for, is nothing but a restless place of longing and soul searching. I so feel like the dweller of a cave, whose hands and feet are bound in such a way that she couldn’t break through her chains to get out of the cave. Plato was so true in depicting the human emotions, or at least my emotions, about how blurry life is, which we are dreaming.
I keep indulging in the depths of my mind to find a reason, a logic, for which we are living here. But i have failed to find any reason, or purpose at all. We, humans, keep on digging deep and searching far to feed our souls and seek peace until we die. People keep on arguing, and fighting over politics, and countries, religions, and beliefs, casts, and colors, and about each and every bit which is related to life. And not just this, people fight and kill each other over hatred, money, for sex, and even for love. People have luxuriate their lives so deeply that they couldn’t see how far the reality has been left behind. Things which could come in the boundaries of human intellect and mindset, get into some really argumentative human conversations, and ends at absolutely no satisfactory outcome, because everyone has different perceptions and ideas of even being satisfied. People always anticipate others to say what they want to hear and if it does not happen, then they simply reject the next person’s ideas as falsely wrong, illogical, or shamelessly reject-able.

What difference would it make if a person lives for 2-3 decades or if he lives for over a century. He has to die anyway! No matter whatever he do in his life,it all ends into the decomposition and rotting of his earthly body. There have been glorious and majestic Kingdoms in the past and extra ordinarily sublime people, but now there exists absolutely nothing, nothing of them but ashes and soil.

Human soul remain restless throughout the life, inside this prison chamber of human body, and keep fluttering like a dying bird to come out of this bodily prison and go back to the world it came from. There must be a place, a world, a planet, anything,,, from where our souls would have been coming and going back to, and that perfect Elysium must have been the birth place of our souls, and only there could we find the true peace of thoughts, and ideas, only there could our souls rest in peace, after reincarnation of our souls.
That’s what at least i have understood after all these years of having an infinitely yearning soul, fluttering in, dying out, chained inside the finite limits of my body.

They say…


They say, I should write, I need to write, or speak out. I shouldn’t keep quiet, or the words which don’t even exist in me would suffocate me inside out. They say, these days are the most complicated ones, mixture of billions and trillions of emotions, which haven’t even been invented yet. They say, I’m gonna kill myself like this, but then, I always think what’s the purpose of living, of keep on living and spending life, every hour of every day, is as useless as anything can be.

What am I doing on this planet anyway? I haven’t done anything worthy yet, nor have I seen anyone doing any such thing. Ever. We, humans, keep on reproducing lives, and we, Humans, keep on killing lives. Is that the cycle of life, been invented, after centuries of civilizations and acknowledgement?

This world is so full of imperfections, I want to go away, far away, to the worlds of perfections, where I won’t have to use all the drugs in the world to save myself from my own self. Where I won’t have to be a pile of numbness and worthless silence. All these words, all these unknown words, having no bodies, yet living souls, are speaking inside my head, and they keep on taking me from this world to another, and another, and yet another. I feel like, I’m not myself anymore. I’m someone else. I’ve been dragged to somewhere else, by someone else, and I’m just watching my body living here, with my soul flying away, far away.

But I need to stay alive, that’s the purpose of living, human intellect has ever discovered. It’s my wedding ceremony after 5 days, and Like every girl, I should be more than happy, and care free, but the thing is, I always stare at people, how they stay happy and alive. Is this me, being abnormal, or are they being more normal? But then, there must be so many people like me in this world, who can’t taste the glory of happiness, instead of every happiness around them.

And, I need to stay happy, that’s what will make others feel as I’m alive, and normal, and humane. The most dangerous thing ever happened to me,,, is my own self. I have to live two lives, one with the real me inside, and the other, with the fake me, outside…

But I need to get everything I deserve, and everything others deserve, but then, what’s deserve-ance? Nothing but our perceptions towards what we want…. So, I will have it all, all in this life, and then I will go on to some other planet, to live some other life, and I will watch this phenomenon from there…

They said, I needed to write….

For You, and Heavens.


There, in the brightest times,
Between myriad stars, and galaxies of love,
I found my soul,
Searching for mysteries,

With a passion to embrace,
sacredness,
A madness for selflessness,
I looked at all those,
Drunken, drugged, intoxicated,
with love and lust.

My eyes walked through each of ’em,
Piercing deep inside their souls,
without expressing,
acknowledging secretes,
Craving for devotion,
came back to me.

Whispered into my spirit,
among the ashed souls,
Burnt, blacked, and stoned,
lust, desire, and craving,
they found hope.

From that moment,
My journey started,
to find light, from ashes,
a quest for realness,
To seek peace,
And to embrace my existence.

‘Tis time


~Mere speck of dust


Wandering through ages,

sitting on your windows,

Laughing at your existence,

Rendering in the winds,

Along with this Earth,

I’m moon and the stars,

With white sand of myself,

Shiny like a melted silver light,

Yellow like a pale day,

I’m a memory,

Echoing through time,

In the back of your mind,

In the middle of the nights,

I’m a sacred land of devils,

And the pure being of angels,

I’m everything,

And everything exists within me,

I’m a mere speck of dust,

Waiting for you to come,

And mingle with me,

Forever…

A dream of life <3


at-night

 

Paris – A city of intellectual and glorious history. A place of art, love, beauty, glamour and romance all together. A city of my dreams, or a dream of my life. It appeals me like hell, and I feel like I would be stunned for minutes if ever I’ll get to see this amazing city. 

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And when it comes to rain, in Paris, there is no match of the beauty in the whole world. What an enchanting and bewitching view it would be, to enjoy rain in Paris, along with your love, in the city of romance and dreams. I believe all love stories remain incomplete without being in Paris with the love of your life. 😉

It has always been my biggest dream to visit Paris. Then I have recently watched “Midnight in Paris” movie, and it has greatly added more passion to this dream. Paris in rain, midnight tours to dream lands of old times, meeting with great writers and beauties, and all that glamour in one city. WOW ❤

I’m so dead.


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It feels like ages since I last wrote anything. It seems I’ve been doing nothing in the last few months, yet I was too busy to write anything. I didn’t paint anything, I didn’t write anything, not even a single poem, not even a quote. What has become of mine? I wasn’t like this. I have improved in so many ways, but this part is not improving, but declining.

I’ve been feeling numb lately, unable to feel or do anything. I am happy, and sad, lively and dead, joyful yet depressed like hell. I’m getting what I wanted, still it feels like It wasn’t actually what I wanted. Or there is some emptiness, something is badly missing. I wanted to do something else, I wanted a different life, I’m not a good fit for this society, for these people and their ideas. I’m a soulful and lively girl, who wants to live her life with feelings, love and freedom. But I’m drowning in deep waters, and I’m unable to find a way out. I’m unable to speak or express anything. I’m unable to share or even understand my own situation. Life seems absurd, and blur, and It feels like I have no aim, no goal, and no clear vision of my future. I’m so dead.

Dreams.


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Now that, when I have come too far in my life, I don’t want to turn back. I don’t want to look back at all those dark parts of mine which had bewitched me all those years. All I want to do now is to move on, without any break, without any stay. There is a whole full life ahead of me, and all those dreams which I’ve been dreaming for ages. I have to move on, to fulfill them, to honor myself, and all those times which I have spent dreaming about my future, our future, our lives, together. ❤