They say, I should write, I need to write, or speak out. I shouldn’t keep quiet, or the words which don’t even exist in me would suffocate me inside out. They say, these days are the most complicated ones, mixture of billions and trillions of emotions, which haven’t even been invented yet. They say, I’m gonna kill myself like this, but then, I always think what’s the purpose of living, of keep on living and spending life, every hour of every day, is as useless as anything can be.
What am I doing on this planet anyway? I haven’t done anything worthy yet, nor have I seen anyone doing any such thing. Ever. We, humans, keep on reproducing lives, and we, Humans, keep on killing lives. Is that the cycle of life, been invented, after centuries of civilizations and acknowledgement?
This world is so full of imperfections, I want to go away, far away, to the worlds of perfections, where I won’t have to use all the drugs in the world to save myself from my own self. Where I won’t have to be a pile of numbness and worthless silence. All these words, all these unknown words, having no bodies, yet living souls, are speaking inside my head, and they keep on taking me from this world to another, and another, and yet another. I feel like, I’m not myself anymore. I’m someone else. I’ve been dragged to somewhere else, by someone else, and I’m just watching my body living here, with my soul flying away, far away.
But I need to stay alive, that’s the purpose of living, human intellect has ever discovered. It’s my wedding ceremony after 5 days, and Like every girl, I should be more than happy, and care free, but the thing is, I always stare at people, how they stay happy and alive. Is this me, being abnormal, or are they being more normal? But then, there must be so many people like me in this world, who can’t taste the glory of happiness, instead of every happiness around them.
And, I need to stay happy, that’s what will make others feel as I’m alive, and normal, and humane. The most dangerous thing ever happened to me,,, is my own self. I have to live two lives, one with the real me inside, and the other, with the fake me, outside…
But I need to get everything I deserve, and everything others deserve, but then, what’s deserve-ance? Nothing but our perceptions towards what we want…. So, I will have it all, all in this life, and then I will go on to some other planet, to live some other life, and I will watch this phenomenon from there…
They said, I needed to write….